Mrs Ifeyinwa and Mr Chinedu Ogbunyiba, a Lagos-based couple from Anambra State, shared their experience about delayed conception, a painful fibroid surgery, and societal pressure while they waited for 16 years to have a child
Can you walk us through how everything started?
I have experienced a journey that many couples endure in silence, one filled with hope, despair, and ultimately, joy. I am a businesswoman, originally from Anambra State, though I currently reside in Lagos.
I met my husband while we were undergraduates at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka campus. We were both studying Accountancy, and he was two years ahead of me. After graduating in 2005, he insisted on paying my bride price, which took place on January 6, 2006.
At the time, I was still in school, and we were focused on completing our education, so starting a family was not a priority.
We later had our church and traditional wedding on April 18, 2009. After that, we were hopeful to start a family, but what followed was a long 16-year journey of trials and challenges before finally welcoming our child.
Can you describe the emotions you experienced during this journey?
Looking back now, it’s almost unbelievable that 16 years passed before I became a mother. At the time, I never lost hope, though the emotional toll was immense. Month after month, I would anticipate a pregnancy, only to be met with disappointment.
We went from one hospital to the other seeking answers. Most doctors would tell me nothing was wrong, yet conception eluded us.
In 2013, after years of trying, a doctor suggested I undergo a myomectomy to remove fibroids, which might have been preventing pregnancy. I had the surgery in July 2013 while living in Enugu. Despite the procedure, conception did not happen, and the struggle continued.
During these years, I faced societal pressure, unsolicited advice and mockery. People would ask intrusive questions or make insensitive remarks. Friends suggested leaving my husband because of his absence, but I was steadfast.
I never considered leaving him. Even when he left for another woman for up to two years, I remained committed to our marriage and focused on hope and resilience.
What strategies helped you maintain faith and composure during such a challenging time in your marriage?
My husband left the house; he was involved with another woman, but he still supported me financially. If I requested an amount for my upkeep, he often sent much more than I asked. I was confused, but I took it in my stride.
I even confronted my husband about the other woman, and he initially denied it. Later, I learnt that the woman was pregnant, and my brother-in-law informed me that my husband was planning to marry her traditionally.
Despite the betrayal, I stayed strong and focused on what I could control. Eventually, the relationship with the other woman ended, and life gradually returned to normal; my husband came back to the house.
What was your experience like during the IVF process, and how did you cope with the challenge?
After many years, last year, my husband and I decided to pursue IVF. This time, we handed the journey over to the Holy Spirit before starting the procedure. The embryo transfer took place on February 15.
Two weeks later, the hospital confirmed I was pregnant. The news was exhilarating, the culmination of years of hope, effort, and prayers. I felt like the weight of 16 years had finally lifted.
However, the journey was far from over. By the seventh week, I began bleeding heavily, passing clots and lumps. It was terrifying, and my mind was flooded with fear of losing the pregnancy. The bleeding started on a Saturday, late in the afternoon, and continued all through Sunday. It was heavy and unabating.
We rushed to a nearby hospital that Saturday evening to receive medical attention. The doctor conducted a scan and said there was no heartbeat anymore.
He kept searching for any sign of life in my womb and didn’t see any. His report read “a blighted ovum” (an empty sac) and recommended evacuation, meaning the pregnancy was no more, according to his findings.
On second thought, he suggested we repeat the scan the next day somewhere else (he recommended a clinic) for a second opinion before the evacuation.
The next day, Sunday, my husband suggested we wait on the Lord and repeat the scan on Monday. Throughout that Sunday, the bleeding continued. My husband said I should stop looking at the blood and focus my sight on the baby I wanted to hold in my hands.
What was his action thereafter?
He called our fellowship brother, who prayed with us and repeated the same statement my husband had been saying to me, that I should focus on the baby I wanted to hold in my hands. I kept expressing fear because the blood kept flowing.
My husband called one of our fellowship sisters to talk with me woman-to-woman. The sister prayed with me and reiterated that I should focus on the baby I wanted to have. Yet, all through that Sunday, every symptom of pregnancy disappeared.
That was my longest day and longest night ever. On Monday morning, we returned to the IVF clinic for the ‘second opinion’ scan. On our way, something strange happened: the pregnancy signs and feelings came back with intense force.
When we got to the IVF clinic, the doctor immediately conducted a scan. He said, “Let me know the state of things there.’ (He was aware of the bleeding, the clots, and the lumps; we had sent pictures to him.)
Immediately he started the scan, he exclaimed, ‘Oga, come o… this is a clear heartbeat, and everything looks nice and clear. With the heavy bleeding and droppings, what’s happening here is beyond medical explanations.’
I was overjoyed. After 16 years, we finally had confirmation that our child was alive and thriving. The moment was amazing, emotional, and unforgettable.
Looking back, what lessons did you learn from this challenging journey?
This journey taught me resilience, patience, and the power of faith. There were times when despair was overwhelming, yet I never gave up. I learnt to navigate societal pressure, betrayal, and emotional exhaustion while remaining committed to my marriage and dreams of motherhood.
Even amid betrayal and hardship, I chose compassion over resentment. I remained strong through my husband’s absences and the challenges of IVF. Each difficulty strengthened my resolve and reinforced my belief that miracles can happen when you least expect them.
Today, I am a mother, and the joy is beyond words. After 16 years of waiting, enduring surgeries, emotional trials, and an IVF process, I now have my child. The journey was not easy, but it reaffirmed my faith in God and the power of hope.
Can you describe the moment you finally welcomed your baby?
It was truly the most beautiful and amazing moment of my life so far. When I heard the first cry, everything felt so real. The pregnancy itself was surprisingly smooth; I experienced no complications, no major discomforts.
Honestly, there were moments I didn’t even feel pregnant. People talk about the challenges of pregnancy at our age, but for me, it was a blessing from start to finish.
You mentioned that you waited 16 years. That means you were already in your 40s when you finally conceived?
Yes, I was in my 40s. Many would have thought it was impossible at that stage, but God had His perfect timing.
Looking back, what lessons did the waiting period teach you as a woman and as a wife?
The journey taught me a lot about patience, faith, and focus. Staying positive is key. When you have a specific goal, like conceiving, you must be deliberate and not allow distractions.
Challenges will come, and people may say hurtful things or try to discourage you, but if you keep your focus and trust God, eventually, things will fall into place. Time is part of the process.
How old is your baby now?
She just clocked one month old.
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